Bitch got laid... off.

Sad day here... someone got laid off. Sad cos it's one down. but hey... look on the bright side... it means a bigger bonus for me! :) YEE-HAW!

What do we think about the Republican presidential primary? Kinda strange huh that Santorum... who was not even getting 2% 6mths ago... is now kinda the front-runner. Let's SPREAD a little SANTORUM now... shall we? ;)

It's not even noon, and someone's already lost his mind!

So this guy, 'Jack', marched into my office, and demanded we fire his boss! Why?

Because the boss, 'Alan', brought donuts in!

And Jack's 350lbs. And he doesn't need another donut to help him with his weight loss.

Seriously folks! Duke it out on your own.

But his biggest failure was not bringing me one. What an asshole!

So someone made fun of TITicaca...

I have to stop with the joking and name-calling... I'm sure IT knows everything I type... but who cares... I hate this job!

Part of the fun is trying to listen to all these fuckers with a straight face. Seriously? Really? So Big Titted Lady (Sounds almost bird-like!) stopped by earlier because someone CASUALLY mentioned maybe within earshot that her boobs looked unnatural. And maybe one side sagged a little bit more than the other. And that they could probably make out the areolas...

I'm a man. I'm supposed to hear all this talk... and shut up... counsel them a bit maybe? But truth be told, I HAD to pretend that I was sneezing simply because I could hardly hold it in!

Who the hell says AREOLA? Golly!

It's only a freaking Tuesday... quite as hell it sure was yesterday, and it's not even 3pm here and I'm drowning in the muck of bullshit that these people poured on me...

So we have a little bit more than 10k people coast-to-coast... there must be something more exciting out there?

Super busy day! Or is it... super 'BUSTY' day?

So, you know this is all MEANT to be private... and no one's supposed to know... but this lady... she's probably in her mid 40s... was on 'holiday' for 2wks... comes back with a rack bigger than the TITanic... if it were next to another TITanic! Hilarious...

Come on lady... at least be somewhat discreet about it... how can you go from a minimal B... to a double-D? And not expect anyone to notice... We're still laughing about it here in HR... but hey... her 'holiday' was supposed to be in Colombia... Uh huh...

I'm surprised she didn't get collagen injection for her lips also!

So hungry... for the Hunger Games!

What a slow morning! All I've been doing is read up on the Hunger Games! Can't freaking wait! That Jennifer Lawrence... quite a minx huh? I wonder how the movie's going to be like...

Here's my take on it, and I've had several concerned mothers come up to me since I'm obviously the smartest one out of the whole bunch... the movie's about:

KIDS KILLING KIDS! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT TO BRING YOUR KIDS ALONG? ONLY BRING THEM WITH YOU IF YOU'RE PREGNANT AND THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN RIP IT OUT OF YOUR BELLY SO YOU CAN LEAVE IT AT HOME!

That haven't been said... great premise though... but mothers beware! And sado-masochistic pedophiles... guess it's a dream come true!

Paris and genitalia

A friend of mine once relayed some interesting information on how the Human Resources department of a company outside the US would do things. Take for instance, one in Paris...

They'd regularly send out staff alerts and notices with big photos of...

Penises.

Or Saggy Tits.

And below that, a caption that usually reads something like: Now that we've got your attention... blah blah blah... your health benefits... blah blah... upcoming holidays... bleh bleh... stop stealing from the refrigerator.

I've had several occasions of wanting to do that. I'm not exactly new at this job... but I've always wanted to make HR a more... cozy environment... where I can go up to some annoying cunt and tell her: Ease up bitch... and stop telling your assistant to go wash your car and groom your damn dog for you!

The things I dream up in my head sometimes...

Stranger than sexual harrassment

So... not sure what I think about this, but someone - let's call her Mary - came up to us talking about how distraught she was. I'll have to spare some of the details, but seems like 'Mary' saw 'Joseph' - a colleague - watching videos of girls he had been secretly taping with his spyglasses! Kinda creepy, cos the guy's kinda creepy. We wrote 'Joseph' up of course, but seeing how there was no harm done, we kinda let him go his merry way!

Then we had a cup of coffee, and bought ten of the damn things ourselves on the Internet. We're going to pass them around to some of the girls, so they can start recording him and his everyday activity!

I smell sweet revenge for Mary! :)

Longest day ever!

So I've just finished my first day here and even though the information's kinda dry, I hear there are going to be layoffs! Kinda sad... but still interesting huh? Will take a while to figure out what's going on... Stay tuned!

This place has soooooo many secrets!

So it's my first post. I've just started this morning. But I've already heard some amazingly juicy gossip! Thank GOD this place is big enough, and names are going to change, and situations are going to be altered a bit so no one will get who's spilling the beans on all the juiciness!

I've flipped through a few files, and seems like there are plenty of opportunities for me to get fired, and my ass sued. So will try to do my best to keep my identity hidden! Wish me luck I keep the charade going for as long as possible!

A la Gossip Girl... Who am I? Now that's a secret I'll never tell!